Fantasy Olympics

#	Competitor	Team	G	S	B	Total	Avg
1	Liz	The Lizaster Draft	2	0	0	2	5.00
2	Chris	Gunz in my Bunz	1	2	1	4	3.00
3	Clint	Dungeon Masters	1	1	2	4	3.83
4	Bryan	Two-Minute Bryan	1	1	0	2	5.17
5	Jo	TallaDega Knights	1	0	0	1	6.67
6	Tony	Tony's Sackmasters	0	1	2	3	4.67
7	Steph	Ice Cold Stephanie	0	1	0	1	6.00
8	Ti	All Luck No Skill Ti	0	0	1	1	5.50
9	Cassie	Locked In Cassie	0	0	0	0	7.50
10	Gavin	Beast Mode Gavin Horton	0	0	0	0	7.67

Competitors

In medal table order

Liz

The Lizaster Draft2G 0S 0B · avg 5.00

QBD. Prescott
RBJ. Taylor
WRJ. Chase
TEB. Bowers
KC. Santos
DEFNew England

Two golds is more than anybody else managed, and both of them cashed immediately. Winning Cup 'n' Cup delivered Ja'Marr Chase and winning Pop Darts delivered Brock Bowers, which is the best receiver and the best tight end anywhere on the board.

Then she finished dead last in Shot Gun and left with Dak Prescott. The team is called The Lizaster Draft, so on some level she saw this coming.

Chris

Gunz in my Bunz1G 2S 1B · avg 3.00

QBL. Jackson
RBJ. Gibbs
WRC. Lamb
TET. McBride
KC. Dicker
DEFPhiladelphia

Chris is the actual champion of these Games and it is not close. He medaled in four of six events, never finished worse than fifth in anything, and posted an average finish of 3.00 against a field average of 5.50.

Winning Quarters got him Jahmyr Gibbs, second in Shot Gun got him Lamar Jackson and second in Pop Darts got him Trey McBride. Four of his six players came out of a medal position, which is what being good at all six games looks like rather than spectacular at one.

Clint

Dungeon Masters1G 1S 2B · avg 3.83

QBD. Maye
RBK. Walker III
WRD. London
TEC. Loveland
KK. Fairbairn
DEFHouston

Four medals ties him with Chris for the most, and a 3.83 average is second best in the field. The problem is which events he won.

His gold came in 3B Parking, which decides defenses, and his silver came in the dice game, which decides kickers. He was excellent at the two events that matter least and seventh in both Quarters and Cup 'n' Cup, so the roster leans heavily on Drake Maye and hopes Houston travels well.

Bryan

Two-Minute Bryan1G 1S 0B · avg 5.17

QBJ. Allen
RBC. Brown
WRJ. Jefferson
TES. LaPorta
KT. Loop
DEFSeattle

He won Shot Gun, which is the single most valuable event on this board, and converted it into Josh Allen. Everything after that was a managed decline.

Ninth in Quarters, sixth in Cup 'n' Cup, and by the time the dice came out he was seventh. Winning the first event and fading through the rest of the night is a very specific kind of performance.

Jo

TallaDega Knights1G 0S 0B · avg 6.67

QBC. Williams
RBJ. Cook III
WRG. Pickens
TEG. Kittle
KB. Aubrey
DEFJacksonville

Jo was not in this league when the night began. Sean was down to play, could not make it, and the spot passed to her before a single game was thrown.

She won the dice game with it and took Brandon Aubrey, the best kicker available, which is the complete highlight reel.

Ninth in Cup 'n' Cup, ninth in Pop Darts and ninth in 3B Parking gave her a 6.67 average that would look considerably worse without the one event she turned up for.

Tony

Tony's Sackmasters0G 1S 2B · avg 4.67

QBT. Lawrence
RBB. Robinson
WRA. St. Brown
TEH. Fannin Jr.
KC. Little
DEFDenver

Three medals and no gold, which is the most Tony result on offer. Second in Quarters, third in Cup 'n' Cup and third in 3B Parking means he never won an event and never embarrassed himself in one either.

His 4.67 average is third best in the Games. Then he finished ninth in Shot Gun and walked away with Trevor Lawrence, which is the price of one bad round.

Steph

Ice Cold Stephanie0G 1S 0B · avg 6.00

QBJ. Herbert
RBA. Jeanty
WRP. Nacua
TET. Warren
KE. Pineiro
DEFPittsburgh

One silver, in Cup 'n' Cup, and it was enough to land Puka Nacua. Fourth in Pop Darts also got her Tyler Warren, so the top of this roster is better than the medal count suggests.

The rest was quiet in a very consistent way. Eighth in Shot Gun, eighth in Quarters and eighth in 3B Parking makes her the most reliable eighth-place finisher these Games produced.

Ti

All Luck No Skill Ti0G 0S 1B · avg 5.50

QBJ. Daniels
RBC. McCaffrey
WRN. Collins
TEK. Pitts Sr.
KJ. Myers
DEFLA Rams

The team is named All Luck No Skill Ti and the results broadly agree with the assessment. One bronze all night, and an average finish of 5.50 that lands exactly on the field average to two decimal places.

That bronze came in Quarters and produced Christian McCaffrey, so the single best moment of his night was also the single best player on his roster. Nothing here argues with the branding.

Cassie

Locked In Cassie0G 0S 0B · avg 7.50

QBJ. Burrow
RBD. Achane
WRJ. Smith-Njigba
TED. Kincaid
KW. Reichard
DEFMinnesota

Three last-place finishes, in Quarters, Pop Darts and the dice game, which is more than anybody else managed. Those three produced De'Von Achane, Dalton Kincaid and Will Reichard.

Fourth in Shot Gun and fourth in Cup 'n' Cup kept the average off the floor and got her Joe Burrow and Jaxon Smith-Njigba. The team is called Locked In Cassie, which the record does not support.

Gavin

Beast Mode Gavin Horton0G 0S 0B · avg 7.67

QBJ. Hurts
RBS. Barkley
WRA.J. Brown
TET. Kraft
KJ. Bates
DEFBaltimore

Last place in the Games on a 7.67 average with no medals of any kind. He was tenth in Cup 'n' Cup and tenth in 3B Parking, which is how a roster ends up taking A.J. Brown and the Baltimore defense with the final pick of two separate events.

The saving grace is that sixth in Quarters still returned Saquon Barkley, so the floor of this thing is higher than the results sheet implies. Beast Mode is doing an enormous amount of work in that team name.

Fantasy Olympics

Medal Table

The Six Events

Shot Gun

Quarters

Cup ’n’ Cup

Pop Darts

3·4·5 Dice

3B Parking